Pretty dumb

Before starting this blog I was already experimenting with breadmaking using a breadmaker. The breadmaker came with a variety of simple directions and recipes, all in those bloody annoying American measuring units. But yankie units weren’t going to flummox a resourceful cook and statistician like myself. Somewhere in my kitchen I found one of those plastic containers which measure out a standard cup of flour.

Late at night I would add the ingredients to the machine and set the timer. I’d wake in the morning with the magical smell of bread creeping through my flat. The walk to the kitchen was exciting like Christmas. In the breadmachine would be small clumps of unmixed, unrisen and very unappetizing burnt dough balls. Six attempts resulted in six identical, spirit crushing disasters. Santa was leaving lumps of yellow coal in my Christmas stocking.

Eventually I worked out the problem. My measuring cup was designed for washing machine powder and not for cooking.

Into the bread bin – Loaf 2

Plain White with Loads of Garlic and a Salt Crust

My wife’s family host a number of dinner parties during the Christmas season. Last week was a pot-luck party, which means that each guest is expected to bring along some food item for us all to eat. My wife suggested that we bring a loaf of my bread. She explained that she was trying to be supportive of my new hobby particularly since being supportive exempted her from any bothersome food preparation.
This time I decided to attempt a variation on the basic white dough recipe. I considered adding a little garlic to the mixture but then reminded myself that I’m baking for Singaporeans and instead added two whole heads of garlic. I’ve also washed the dough with some crystals of rock salt. That should keep them happy.
I left the dough in my fridge over night to see if the extra fermentation would improve the flavor of the finished bread. Later in the evening time, my wife opened the fridge to help herself to some fruit juice and found my dough growing out of its bowl and about to expand onto some of our fruit. I was given shrift of the short variety, and I think she was prejudiced against this loaf from that point onwards.

My review
Appearance: Dreadful. The color of the crust resembles white underwear which has been used for too many years.
Crust: Sigh! Soft as a baby’s bottom, again.
Texture: Very nice. The bread rose really well in the oven.
Taste: Great. Leaving the dough in the fridge for twenty four hours appears to have given extra dept to the taste. However, with so much garlic even my old socks would taste good.

Wife’s review:
Me: “That bread seemed a bit of an improvement on last time. I think I’m getting better at this.”
Wife: “Hmm…”
Me: “Some of your family mentioned to me that they enjoyed my bread.”
Wife: “Well they were hardly going to criticise you after you went to the trouble of baking it”.
Me: “Did you notice that during the party my bread was eaten up really quickly?”
Wife: “Well, yes, but you didn’t bake very much.”
Me: “Nonsense. That loaf had a twelve inch diameter.”
Wife: “…and besides, once they pick up a piece, it’s not as if they can put it back”.
Me: (Throws chef’s hat onto ground on stomps out of the room.)

Into the bread bin – Loaf 1

Plain White Loaf

Here’s the first loaf which I’ve baked since starting this blog.
I was aiming for a simple, unpretentious white loaf using only flour, yeast, salt and water. The recipe was taken from ‘Confessions of a French Baker’ by Peter Mayle, though given my lousy attempt, I’m not sure he will be grateful for the referral.

My Review
Appearance: Decent. The crust has a nice, golden brown sheen with some darkening on top. The slits on the top opened up just as I had hoped. However my crappy shaping technique is obvious from the pock marked surface on the sides of the loaf. Note also the lopsidedness of the loaf. Much like myself, it’s got an ass and it ain’t pretty to look at. My dusting technique is even worse. Instead of a fine, ethereal layer of white dust, I’ve created mottled, splodges of plain flour that resemble the first onset of mold.
Crust: Miserable. There’s no structure to this pathetic crust what so ever. I was hoping for a resilient layer of chestnut and instead achieved the insipid skin of a peanut.
Texture: Somehow the final rising in the oven never really took off. The loaf has a pleasant, medium density but is far from the light airy texture that I was hoping for.
Taste: Not bad. It tasted exactly like a loaf that you would buy from an unambitious town bakery.

Wife’s review:
Appearance: “It looks very big.” (How much of this am I going to have to eat?)
Crust: Yum. (Just as soft as her favorite supermarket breads.)
Texture: “I’d prefer it lighter.”
Taste: “It tastes like bread.”